To the Top...

Oh dear. So, let me get this right: white pumps, skinny jeans and nautical T with collar, not to mention a brown faux-leather jacket, all of which appears to have been inadvertently purchased from Topman. That’s not the sort of thing I should admit, obviously. It’s a strange feeling being revealed as the sort of high street whore that I clearly am, because, let’s face it, you can pick up an equivalent look in just about any Leeds indie out there, and there are plenty to choose from.

This is a new kind of fashion guilt which is clearly a predicament of the modern age: no longer are we required to just look good, but now we need to feel somewhat superior with our clothing decisions too. It’s the sort of attitude that says, “You just rifled through a H&M sale rack, whereas I acquired my locally sourced kafkan by bartering with a street seller in Kirkgate Market.” Topman gets a bad press, although I’m very aware that I’m within the last few years of actually being able to wear it. In fact, at weekends you wonder whose manning the creche, with kids running wild like they’re at a Jungle Bungle for the trendy. But notice how they quickly snap up the more underground trends of the boutiques, like those big collar sweats they had in their winter collection, which like many catwalk friendly items are gradually embraced into the mainstream. So, at 25, it’s still just about OK, but any later and it’s just embarassing.

I was approached by Real Radio the other day to discuss the fashion statements currently being made on the campaign trail by our three would-be leaders – Messrs Brown, Cameron and Clegg. Cameron looked positively presidential when he was in Leeds recently, mucking in and shaking hands with his sleeves rolled up, tie off with top button undone like he’d just returned from a particularly stressful chess match, revealing white shirts with no blazer. We think his team may be studying Obama quite closely.

Quiffy: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow?

He’s not the only one who’s been taking fashion cues from American, of course. Remember Tony Blair? Anyone? He was around a few years back? Do you remember that quickly assembled press conference held outside Number 10 when Leo was born, and he bandied out of the house with the sort of windswept grin and ruffled formality of a man who may have just possibly delivered the baby himself. I can picture Cameron doing the same thing, maybe heroically jumping in front of traffic to save an old lady on a bicycle in the process. Accusations of airbrushing won’t help Cameron with regards to his latest campaign posters, although kudos is due on his mini-quiff – which is hardly the sort of post-modern hair do that you’ll find Brown striking up in the run up to May 6^th. Although slowly creeping further up his forehead (that’s called a recession, surely?), the look is both contemporary and adaptable for a busy, 24 hour media roll call. Blair had a similar look, funnily enough.

I maybe sounded a bit too harsh when addressing our Great Leader, Gordon Brown, who I said “probably shouldn’t smile so much.” That’s unfair; he can’t help it that smiling seems to go against every muscle on his face, only for it to quickly disappear as soon as it’s arrived. Brown should stick to playing it serious; his wardrobe surely matches: office tailoring at its most monochrome, like a politician from the forties. This works, I guess, as there is a war on. I even saw him on telly wearing a blue tie. Tory colours, of course; does this instigate a break from the traditional standard issue colours? Maybe, yes. After all, when did you last see Cleggover brandishing a liberally bright yellow tie and pochette combination? I quite like Nick Clegg, but he’s starting to resemble a Geography supply teacher.

Of course, more attention is being paid towards the leader’s wives: SaBro, SamCam and The Other One. I read that a leading national fashion glossy is ringing each party head office every morning to find out what the three women are wearing. I quite like The Other One, who isn’t playing ball in the slightest and still going to work as per usual. And just so you know: her name is Miriam Gonzalez Durantez, a Spanish catholic, who bizarrely resembles Cherie Blair. SamCam and SaBro are undergoing much bigger media onslaughts in rather inoffensive high street clothing, but if they really wanted to court some serious press attention, may we suggest a House of Gaga makeover like Beyonce in the video to ‘Telephone’? Or is that image just too much to comprehend?

You’re lucky we can stay at our desks to update the blog right now, since American Apparel opened on Briggate just last week! It took a while on 1st April – we’d been wandering nonchalantly past in the hope that it would have opened for months now, then the launch was delayed from 11am to about 2pm (they could hardly hold us back, I tell you) – but it’s a ruddy great addition to Leeds’ shopping scene. We hear that, as Urban Outfitters often does, the sweat-shop free, all American brand will be hosting in-store events with DJs and the like in the coming months. While we couldn’t accept the kind, if a little unexpected, offer of a job when their recruitment people spotted us on Briggate a few days ago, we’ll definitely be stocking up on their leggings, T-shirts and onesies, no problem!

Summer means specs!

How low will you go? OK, so these Aviators are only a snip at £5 from H&M, but bust out a pair of these at the summer festivals and you could have even your more astute contemporaries claiming other wise. “Ray-Bans?” they’ll ask. “Not quite, my friend. You’ll never guess.”

I’ve always taken a slightly skeptical approach to sunglasses – an item which you’re more than likely to leave on a sun lounger, complain to somebody that you’ve lost them, and then find them instantly with a slight crushing sound when you sit on them.

Purists may say otherwise, but for an item that seems as disposable as sunglasses (particularly if you’re planning a ‘staycation’ this summer, making the most of our ten minute spurts of sun shine), then the idea of forking out half your wage for these things is, frankly, silly. Should’ve gone to H&M, clearly.